“Leadership should be born out of the understanding of the needs of those who would be affected by it.” ~Marian Anderson
Green building has come a long way since the United States Green Building Council’s (USGBC) building standard, Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED), took hold about a decade ago. As the market transformed and more bold standards were realized, working towards the creation of truly sustainable buildings and neighborhoods proved to be an effective way to tackle our current environmental crisis. Yet, there’s still much work left to do and many voices to be represented. Until we are able to provide a heightened level of respect within our immediate circles and organizations and begin to truly start “walking the talk”, we will surely fail in our attempt to “save the world”.
The story I am about to tell is nothing new, and it repeats itself across boardrooms and cubicles every day. Workers are unhappy, from assembly lines to classrooms and office parks to city halls. You’d be hard pressed to look for business books without running smack dab into dense offerings on leadership, organizational improvement through narrative (a la Let My People Go Surfing) and explorations of overcoming workplace politics and angst. The book that has recently resonated with me the most is “The No Asshole Rule” by Bob Sutton.
Sutton, a professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford Business School, as well as a professor of Engineering there, has dealt with his fair share of assholes, as he describes in his thought-provoking book. Sutton makes a comprehensive and solid argument for how assholes cost organizations, from lost productivity to the real costs of having an asshole on board. So much so, that many highly successful organizations – like Google and Zappos – have instituted the “no asshole rule”, requiring new hires to agree by signing on the dotted line. This deliberate act often ensures that unsavory behavior is not exhibited in the first place, and sends a message that if it is, it will not be tolerated. (Sutton warns, though, that simply acting as if you have this policy but not enforcing it, is worse than not having the policy at all).
So, are you, or is someone you love, a certified asshole? Admittedly, we have all exhibited the characteristics of an asshole from time-to-time. Try as we might, we all do the best that we can with the skills that we have in order to get by in this world, but often fall short of our aspirations. And that’s totally acceptable as we yearn to better ourselves. But I’m talking about certified assholes; individuals who allow their insecurities, bullying, and abuse of power to run amok, unchecked, ultimately infecting everyone around them with their noxious gases.
Suttons’ “dirty dozen list of everyday asshole actions” includes personal insults, rude interruptions, two-faced attacks, and treating people as if they are invisible, along with other highly repugnant behavior.
Sadly, the personality exhibited by this “dirty dozen” list paints the picture of an unhappy individual working from a place of pain and fear. The pain of feeling less than, or inferior, and the fear of being rejected and unloved. It’s an incredibly sad situation, and one that deserves immediate, sincere attention. More often than not, though, these sometimes subtle behaviors are never addressed.
I would know. My former boss isn’t a certified asshole, per se, but when I take the quiz to assess whether or not she fits the description, she “passes” the test with flying colors. Almost every question on that list is something she would answer yes to, if she were able to be brutally honest with herself.
Neither she, nor the organization that continues to celebrate her talents and promote her behavior, are unable to look at this bleak situation honestly, which is too bad. Because I believe that she could learn to address her wheelbarrow full of baggage, refocus her energies onto her many talents, and remove her incredible insecurities and scorn so that, ultimately, her gifts and the gifts of her peers could take center stage. Sadly, the organization seems ever positioned to stroke her ailing ego, thus nurturing her willingness to put her work first – above all else – ensuring that the leaders continue to shine, no matter the cost. Ultimately, this has helped to diminish the input of colleagues who offer alternate solutions or challenge the leadership in any way.
I used to imagine how our relationship could have been different if my former boss weren’t always competing with me and her colleagues. How it might help solve daily problems if she was willing to truly mentor and share her knowledge and talent, rather than speak down to her subordinates and make them feel lousy most of the time. Unfortunately, her willingness to work constantly outrageous hours (while wearing it as a badge of honor, of course), along with her incredible ability to produce, has enabled the organization to turn a blind eye to the serious problems that exist with her management “style”.
If the incredibly basic needs of respect and collaboration can’t even be met at a respected, progressive non-profit working towards tranforming the built environment and beyond, how then will we traverse from our current state to an enlightened one where truly sustainable goals can be realized? How, pray tell, will the requirements of transparency that are expected of manufacturers and industry be met when a small non-profit veils its upper-level decisions and overall day-to-day operations in a thick cloud of secrecy and deception? This Machiavellian approach to “transforming” the built environment will no doubt result in a place only fit for a Prince.
Imagine a truly professional environment, where an organization helps to support the “asshole” so that she can heal herself. This path would help to begin the “detoxification” of the group, allowing it and its employees to focus on the work at hand, rather than rewarding asshole behavior with promotions, more power, and more people to manage and infect with one’s own toxicity. These progressive values, so often expressed as a base level requirement in mission based/non-profit environments, is especially important to achieve, if only for the sake of not being so ironically contradicting.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen first hand the realities on the ground, and our collective hope of reshaping business-as-usual is currently falling far short from our ideals. We must nurture and respect the input of all involved, ESPECIALLY those on the front lines doing the hard work, rather than merely giving lip service to such a thing, ever maintaining the upper echelon of our beloved top-down models. We must put to death our fear-based proclamations of propriety, recognition, and entitlement. Then, and only then, will we begin the transformation, finally shedding the cocoon that protects the outdated, inaccurate view of reality that so many collectively, desperately cling to.
Chris Strong says
It seems to me that companies seek out this personality type for management. Then,promote the bad behavior in a direct contradiction to common sense.
Did you happen to forward a copy to your former employers Dipper?
darby says
Chris,
I did not forward a copy to my former employers, but I know that some of my colleagues have found it. I stand by my decision to post it, and am partly inspired by this:
http://davidburn.com/blog/2011/02/12/reveal-yourself-in-writing/
David Burn says
The thing that bites is you expect that a company dedicated to creating sustainable outcomes might also know something about creating a sustainable workplace.
You have to wonder why there’s such a disconnect.
In my opinion, the star-led model suffers greatly from too insular a world view. That is, people working in a non-profit let the mission cloud their view. The mission becomes more important than the people hired to support it. It’s the same way in advertising and other creative fields, where “the work” becomes more important than the relationships required to sell today’s ever-important breakthrough and tomorrow’s and so on.
It’s a hard lesson for some people to learn, but nothing is more important than treating people right. When you don’t do that, you have very little to offer people or “the world.”
Bruce Hostetter says
I find this article so moving and so constructive. It has been said that employees and employers each need one thing from each other. Employees need recognition from their managers; Employers need respect from their employees.
Asshole managers at work are often (although not always) people their friends enjoy when not at work (If they have friends). People who start things and build things often lead with their egos and bring a whole string of family and life systems, dysfunction, and neurosis into their work, making the whole organization neurotic as they achieve power “over” others. They don’t know how to do power “with” because they are convinced that they will loose in the process, even though the whole organization gains through the things Darby talks about.
Until we are able to provide a heightened level of respect within our immediate circles and organizations and begin to truly start “walking the talk”, we will surely fail in our attempt to “save the world”.
This is not the lament of a bitter person. This is the advise of a bright and caring person who chooses to heal her own wounds through reflection and the sharing of her story. I am so moved by your story Darby, and your bigger struggle to ask the question, “how will our movement succeed if we don’t understand that, how we are with the world we want to attract and lead, starts with how we are with each other”. John Francis addressed all of us at Living Future 2010 when he said “we can’t figure out how to relate to the environment until we understand how to relate to each other”, or something like that.
I would know. My former boss isn’t a certified asshole, per se, but when I take the quiz to assess whether or not she fits the description, she “passes” the test with flying colors. Almost every question on that list is something she would answer yes to, if she were able to be brutally honest with herself.
Right, she is not a certified asshole. She just acts like a certified asshole. So what’s the difference? I would say that being a certified asshole is incurable without major interventions (that begin with the impact of being fired) and an empathic recognition of the harm done to other’s through ones own character disorder. Acting like an asshole on the other hand changes the focus from “she’s a bad person” to “she has bad behavior”. That can be fixed with good management and good leadership. This is where it gets dicey because the same standard does not apply to leaders. You either are a good leader (the person) or not. You can not just act like a good leader because the test is an emotional one. It comes when the leader realizes that an indispensable key person in your organization who is highly productive, is also highly impactful and needs to be confronted. Easier not to see the casualties, because if you do, you have to put yourself in the hot seat of discomfort, and bear the consequences. Easier to put yourself in discomfort with a subordinate when you “lay them off” then another person higher up who uses “power over” to do a job better suited to “power with”. Leadership is not easy and sometimes making systemic changes avoids the situations that bring discomfort. But the instinct to lead in this way has to be in the person.
How, pray tell, will the requirements of transparency that are expected of manufacturers and industry be met when a small non-profit veils its upper-level decisions and overall day-to-day operations in a thick cloud of secrecy and deception?
Organizations that function with transparency and engage all levels of the organization in important formative decisions tend to have higher retention and higher employee satisfaction. This results in fulfilling the equation of Respect = Recognition / Recognition = Respect. This brings unbridled success to the organization that is the genuine story shared openly by all of its members, which brings more success. Organizations that don’t, have to hide their dysfunction with more clouds of secrecy.
These progressive values, so often expressed as a base level requirement in mission based/non-profit environments, is especially important to achieve, if only for the sake of not being so ironically contradicting…Unfortunately, I’ve seen first hand the realities on the ground, and our collective hope of reshaping business-as-usual is currently falling far short from our ideals.
I have too, first hand, same organization as yours, same boss, different time frame…I have seen other casualties as well. I was told on the first day by the same person, three times, “you will either sink or swim”. I drowned. Then two years later found my voice, but I have not yet expressed mine to leadership. I will. I am inspired by your openness in this column.
Our resolve needs to be one of knowing how to confront organizational arrogance when we are first hired, otherwise we will likely sink again, because we play by different rules. We all need to play with generative principles.
In the words of Martin Luther King: “What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love”.
I am tempted to close with, “Think about that assholes”. But that would not be be in the spirit of love as MLK expresses it. So I’ll close by saying, I want Darby as my leader, to help us move out of this morass and build organizations that can re-shape business as usual excuses for organizations that are intended to being the change we need. In her own words:
We must put to death our fear-based proclamations of propriety, recognition, and entitlement. Then, and only then, will we begin the transformation, finally shedding the cocoon that protects the outdated, inaccurate view of reality that so many collectively, desperately cling to.
thank you Darby Strong, thank you, I’ll join you anytime in this pursuit, with gratitude———–==bruce hostetter